At first glance it looks just like a football badge, right? Wrong. Burnley F.C.’s crest is clearly a cryptographic attempt to communicate with extraterrestrial entities more powerful than we could possibly imagine. The Clarets’ beguiling badge features a host of creatures, shapes and symbols, each with an all-too-convenient explanation – and we’re not buying any of it.
Things start out ordinary enough. Draped along the bottom of the badge is a ribbon featuring the club’s name and above that stands a lion, in reference to the fact that Burnley’s Turf Moor was the first football stadium to be visited by English royalty; Queen Victoria’s grandson Prince Albert Victor popped by in 1886. Fine. So far so normal. But then things get weird.
Officials claim that the wavy line represents the river Brun but it looks more like a ziggurat to us (built by ancient aliens no doubt). The bees supposedly reflect the town’s busy industrial history. Busy trying to access arcane knowledge, more like. The hand references the town’s cryptic motto: hold to the truth. Nice try, Burnley. Spin it however you like but this is an obvious allusion to your belief in a higher evolutionary consciousness and your desperate attempts to achieve it.
And who’s at the core of this whole conspiracy? Look no further than the top of the crest – and the top of the town’s hierarchy. The stork represents historically prominent family the Starkies. Why does it have feathers in its mouth? They represent the Lacy knot, the badge of another prominent lot, the DeLacy family. Two noble lineages forever linked by their secret quest to become one with the cosmos. It’s all there. Read between the lines, people.
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Written by Sean McGeady